I totally agree -- when I was 15 and in the Trek fandom, money and minority prevented me from attending cons, etc., but even so the net was seen (from my perspective) as a supplement to the already-in-place physical communties. The days of mailing lists and paper newsletters, doncha know. I had a semi-close friend who called, though we were too far apart to meet, but of course there was the assumption that if we could have, we would. (Of course, 10 years later we weren't really friends, and I was in LA, and turned him down for lunch, but that's another story)
In college, I used the net to interact with friends from home, and it was faster than calling everyone to coordinate dinner and such on campus (this is just before cell phones exploded). So not really an issue -- though to this day my primary use of the net is to keep in touch with people I've spent lots of time with in person.
So, flash forward. A dear friend (and I am VERY sparing about that term) is totally against interacting with OL friends at all. No phone, no meeting, mail goes through a proxy. Originally this was understandable, because he was stalked a few years ago.
But now we've known each other over a year, and I've met/planned to meet/spoken on the phone with most of our shared acquaintance (including one of his RL friends, who is now my RL friend). Two attend or are applying to my alma mater. Four of our friends are getting married. He's flat-out refused to go to one wedding, and no way of telling what he'll say about the other pair (who are RL friends).
It's massively frustrating, mostly because anyone who brings it up gets told, "who needs to meet? who needs to call?" as if it's the most absurd idea ever, as opposed to the natural progression of close friendships. It would almost be understandable if he treated us like acquaintances consistently, but he doesn't: he stays up with friends in trouble or worried, etc.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2004-12-14 06:32 pm (UTC)In college, I used the net to interact with friends from home, and it was faster than calling everyone to coordinate dinner and such on campus (this is just before cell phones exploded). So not really an issue -- though to this day my primary use of the net is to keep in touch with people I've spent lots of time with in person.
So, flash forward. A dear friend (and I am VERY sparing about that term) is totally against interacting with OL friends at all. No phone, no meeting, mail goes through a proxy. Originally this was understandable, because he was stalked a few years ago.
But now we've known each other over a year, and I've met/planned to meet/spoken on the phone with most of our shared acquaintance (including one of his RL friends, who is now my RL friend). Two attend or are applying to my alma mater. Four of our friends are getting married. He's flat-out refused to go to one wedding, and no way of telling what he'll say about the other pair (who are RL friends).
It's massively frustrating, mostly because anyone who brings it up gets told, "who needs to meet? who needs to call?" as if it's the most absurd idea ever, as opposed to the natural progression of close friendships. It would almost be understandable if he treated us like acquaintances consistently, but he doesn't: he stays up with friends in trouble or worried, etc.
Cognitive dissonance, man.