And it's my own bias in part, because I don't understand how people build lifelong relationships with anyone who isn't a close friend, but I think calling this unrealistic leads to a lot of people getting into really unhappy marriages in the name of settling and realism, and then telling themselves this is just how the world is.
Yes! I should have said something about this, but it was already a long post -- I was talking with Thomas about the notion of settling and how irritating it is because at base it assumes you are doing this because you are a failure. And, by extension, the person that you are willing to settle for is an emblem of that failure, and an all 'round walking loss, as it is.
I cannot think that many long-term friendships would survive that kind of negativity, and it seemed to me that in her scenario, where friendship is never even considered that you really would be saying "If I can't have it all, I won't have anything! You, Mr. Nothing, marry me."
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branchandroot
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Date: 2008-03-05 02:59 am (UTC)Yes! I should have said something about this, but it was already a long post -- I was talking with Thomas about the notion of settling and how irritating it is because at base it assumes you are doing this because you are a failure. And, by extension, the person that you are willing to settle for is an emblem of that failure, and an all 'round walking loss, as it is.
I cannot think that many long-term friendships would survive that kind of negativity, and it seemed to me that in her scenario, where friendship is never even considered that you really would be saying "If I can't have it all, I won't have anything! You, Mr. Nothing, marry me."