Being in open relationships pretty quickly cured me of the idea of the One True Love, but it took me a while to get away from the idea of the Many True Loves (Who All Ideally Love One Another Too). The oneness isn't the only insidious part; the idea of trueness is arguably worse. Among other things, I think it implies that people don't change, that the "true" relationship or the "true" love doesn't change, and that's a horrible horrible falsehood that can cause incredible damage, especially for young people who are changing all the time in very big ways.
I find that what I value most in my husband is that he is patient and kind. It's not just that I benefit from those things--though I do, very much--but that he teaches me how to be more patient and more kind, qualities that have not always come easily to me. One of the greatest compliments I've ever received from an ex is that after dating me, "kindness" went up on his list of necessary qualities. It took me ten years of dating, I think, before it even occurred to me that kindness might be an important thing to look for; now I don't know how anyone can tolerate relationships in which any party is unkind.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2008-03-05 06:57 am (UTC)I find that what I value most in my husband is that he is patient and kind. It's not just that I benefit from those things--though I do, very much--but that he teaches me how to be more patient and more kind, qualities that have not always come easily to me. One of the greatest compliments I've ever received from an ex is that after dating me, "kindness" went up on his list of necessary qualities. It took me ten years of dating, I think, before it even occurred to me that kindness might be an important thing to look for; now I don't know how anyone can tolerate relationships in which any party is unkind.