First off, I want to state that bobafet states is right on, in terms of gradient. There is no one definition of "maleness" and that depending on the male various types of conversations can occur.
To answer your question, though, I think we phrase it differently. Growing up with my friends over the years, seeing all of us date, sometimes with disastrous results;) and then some of us getting married, the one thing that all of them said to me, at one point or another was the fact that they had found someone who they wanted to be the mother of their children. This came from guys who didn't even want children, still don't have any, etc. I think its a way of saying settling that works for a guy.
Its admitting the strength of the partner. They are saying that there is something that they admire so much in their spouse, that they want their children to have some part of that character/soul/being. At that point, imperfections don't matter, that undefinable thing is more than enough.
I also think that it has something to do with the fact that MFEO myth (made for each other) is not really directed at the male in terms of marketing. We aren't constantly saturated with that demand for perfection in a mate so there is in a sense, no settling to occur, because we just don't view relationships that way. Which is not to say there aren't some other really negative attitudes marketed to us that can cause havoc with long-term relationships such as the madonna/whore dualism. I just think in this area its less of an issue.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2008-03-13 02:12 am (UTC)First off, I want to state that bobafet states is right on, in terms of gradient. There is no one definition of "maleness" and that depending on the male various types of conversations can occur.
To answer your question, though, I think we phrase it differently. Growing up with my friends over the years, seeing all of us date, sometimes with disastrous results;) and then some of us getting married, the one thing that all of them said to me, at one point or another was the fact that they had found someone who they wanted to be the mother of their children. This came from guys who didn't even want children, still don't have any, etc. I think its a way of saying settling that works for a guy.
Its admitting the strength of the partner. They are saying that there is something that they admire so much in their spouse, that they want their children to have some part of that character/soul/being. At that point, imperfections don't matter, that undefinable thing is more than enough.
I also think that it has something to do with the fact that MFEO myth (made for each other) is not really directed at the male in terms of marketing. We aren't constantly saturated with that demand for perfection in a mate so there is in a sense, no settling to occur, because we just don't view relationships that way. Which is not to say there aren't some other really negative attitudes marketed to us that can cause havoc with long-term relationships such as the madonna/whore dualism. I just think in this area its less of an issue.
Thanks for letting me comment!