You mean there are people who don't talk to their friends about their relationships? That's like parents who won't argue in front of their children!
I don't generally talk about specifics of mine with my friends, fwiw, unless it serves a useful function. If they're going through something I've gone through, or if a joint issue has arisen and been resolved, I'll put that out there, but in general, not so much. Actually, that would fit the second part of context 1.
There's no context 2, though; I hear about things (or start discussions) with my partner if there are issues, or he'll bring them up. I can't think of an instance in which big complaints came from a third party, no matter how close we both are to that party.
But I'm not sure how your context 2 blends with A partner having a big problem with me and not telling me? Not cool. A partner bad-mouthing me to others without presenting it as something they need to come to terms with or we need to work together on fixing? Not cool. as stated after?
Fortunately, in my little subculture that sort of asinine, dishonest behavior is very far from the norm, and in my relationships it would be completely unthinkable. Is it more common in the more mainstream world?
I would guess no, based on the idea that discussing major issues is considered a betrayal of the relationship?
But I'm not sure I ever feel entirely part of a nebulous mainstream, so I can only really speak to things I've done or seen.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2008-03-19 04:40 am (UTC)I don't generally talk about specifics of mine with my friends, fwiw, unless it serves a useful function. If they're going through something I've gone through, or if a joint issue has arisen and been resolved, I'll put that out there, but in general, not so much. Actually, that would fit the second part of context 1.
There's no context 2, though; I hear about things (or start discussions) with my partner if there are issues, or he'll bring them up. I can't think of an instance in which big complaints came from a third party, no matter how close we both are to that party.
But I'm not sure how your context 2 blends with A partner having a big problem with me and not telling me? Not cool. A partner bad-mouthing me to others without presenting it as something they need to come to terms with or we need to work together on fixing? Not cool. as stated after?
Fortunately, in my little subculture that sort of asinine, dishonest behavior is very far from the norm, and in my relationships it would be completely unthinkable. Is it more common in the more mainstream world?
I would guess no, based on the idea that discussing major issues is considered a betrayal of the relationship?
But I'm not sure I ever feel entirely part of a nebulous mainstream, so I can only really speak to things I've done or seen.