Somehow I missed ALL of this while it was going on, despite having been at Penguicon. But there is a whole lot tied up in that sort of request. When I think about it here, in my safe, quiet office, I'm quite certain that my actual response verbally would have been something akin to "Are you out of your freakin' mind? No."
But in that context at a con, that outright negative verbal response likely would have been fraught with a great deal of emotional response: some of what you describe, some sinking gender-based sensations ("Oh, this again. Even here, with the people I'm ostensibly most comfortable with, I have to deal with THIS objectification."). An undertone of intimidation and fear, almost certainly.
And I'm 37, and by and large I'm comfortable with myself, now. Twenty years ago I would have been uncomfortable saying no, for a variety of reasons, none of which are at all related to an actual and uncomplicated wish to consent.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2008-04-22 07:09 pm (UTC)Somehow I missed ALL of this while it was going on, despite having been at Penguicon. But there is a whole lot tied up in that sort of request. When I think about it here, in my safe, quiet office, I'm quite certain that my actual response verbally would have been something akin to "Are you out of your freakin' mind? No."
But in that context at a con, that outright negative verbal response likely would have been fraught with a great deal of emotional response: some of what you describe, some sinking gender-based sensations ("Oh, this again. Even here, with the people I'm ostensibly most comfortable with, I have to deal with THIS objectification."). An undertone of intimidation and fear, almost certainly.
And I'm 37, and by and large I'm comfortable with myself, now. Twenty years ago I would have been uncomfortable saying no, for a variety of reasons, none of which are at all related to an actual and uncomplicated wish to consent.