And yet...imagine a situation where you're having a gathering of friends. One of your closest friends, someone you'd certainly want there, happens to have other plans that night. Do you invite them anyway?
You, coming from the background you describe, sound like you would want to not be put in the position of having to say No. You'd perhaps even resent the invitation the giver knew you wouldn't be able to accept?
Other people I know would be deeply hurt (and feel rejected) to have not been invited and given the /opportunity/ to say No. They...hmm, how to explain this. At its root, I think it's a power issue. The person who makes the decision has the power. Choosing not to invite them means YOU are deciding and putting yourself above them; letting them say no is giving them a superior position over you.
I'm not saying this to say that you're wrong! Just that...there are people who bring different expectations to the table, who'd be offended by being treated the way you're unhappy NOT to be treated. So if someone guesses the wrong way, rather than being inconsiderate, they may be doing what they THINK is considerate based on experience with people with different preferences than yours.
And now that I re-read that, I'm not sure it actually makes sense. But there you are.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2008-04-22 07:32 pm (UTC)You, coming from the background you describe, sound like you would want to not be put in the position of having to say No. You'd perhaps even resent the invitation the giver knew you wouldn't be able to accept?
Other people I know would be deeply hurt (and feel rejected) to have not been invited and given the /opportunity/ to say No. They...hmm, how to explain this. At its root, I think it's a power issue. The person who makes the decision has the power. Choosing not to invite them means YOU are deciding and putting yourself above them; letting them say no is giving them a superior position over you.
I'm not saying this to say that you're wrong! Just that...there are people who bring different expectations to the table, who'd be offended by being treated the way you're unhappy NOT to be treated. So if someone guesses the wrong way, rather than being inconsiderate, they may be doing what they THINK is considerate based on experience with people with different preferences than yours.
And now that I re-read that, I'm not sure it actually makes sense. But there you are.