I read an article on lying (children learning to) and it really dovetails with what you're saying
I will say this about lying and children. Learning to lie is the first developmental sign that children actually understand that what they think/feel/know and what people who are not them think/feel/know are not the same. It's theory of mind, but it's a critical part of maturation. When your three year old lies to you, while you should discourage it, it's a very good sign.
My oldest didn't even understand what the purpose of a lie was until he was almost 8 years old. He literally did not understand (and this caused some difficulty in his early schooling years, because if, say, another child hit or punched him and the teacher said or did nothing, he assumed this was because she didn't care. In fact, she didn't know. Telling him that it was important to make it clear to her made no sense to him because if he knew it, he assumed it was simply known.
This is because he had not yet reached that developmental stage. By the time he was 8, on the other hand, he understood that there was advantage to always telling the truth.
So... I probably have a slightly skewed idea about lying, children, and its value and what it signifies *wry g*
On the other hand, reclaiming no is never going to be the same type of issue for him.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2008-04-22 08:47 pm (UTC)I will say this about lying and children. Learning to lie is the first developmental sign that children actually understand that what they think/feel/know and what people who are not them think/feel/know are not the same. It's theory of mind, but it's a critical part of maturation. When your three year old lies to you, while you should discourage it, it's a very good sign.
My oldest didn't even understand what the purpose of a lie was until he was almost 8 years old. He literally did not understand (and this caused some difficulty in his early schooling years, because if, say, another child hit or punched him and the teacher said or did nothing, he assumed this was because she didn't care. In fact, she didn't know. Telling him that it was important to make it clear to her made no sense to him because if he knew it, he assumed it was simply known.
This is because he had not yet reached that developmental stage. By the time he was 8, on the other hand, he understood that there was advantage to always telling the truth.
So... I probably have a slightly skewed idea about lying, children, and its value and what it signifies *wry g*
On the other hand, reclaiming no is never going to be the same type of issue for him.