The article talked about lying being an important stage of cognitive development on a lot of fronts. It also talked about how in not permitting "tattling," what really happens is children perceive a lack of respect for the truth and their feelings. Which I can see happening to my own kids. They tattle because it's truth and they want to share that. It's how I react--okay, your sister took your toy. Did you ask for it back? Did you tell her how you felt? How can you work this out between you?--rather than saying something to the effect of, don't tattle.
I think me thinking through it a bit more has made me a lot more conscious of the messages I send and I've been trying to model truth and model empathy. And not get insist on them covering their true feelings unless we can talk about why. But more importantly, I am trying to have them do more than say (for instance) no thank you to the cake, but say, I would like some, but am really full right now and thank you for taking all the trouble. (empathy and truth together).
As an adult, I have had a horrible time learning to say no and worrying what people think of me and I don't want to visit those demons on my children if I can help it.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2008-04-22 08:55 pm (UTC)I think me thinking through it a bit more has made me a lot more conscious of the messages I send and I've been trying to model truth and model empathy. And not get insist on them covering their true feelings unless we can talk about why. But more importantly, I am trying to have them do more than say (for instance) no thank you to the cake, but say, I would like some, but am really full right now and thank you for taking all the trouble. (empathy and truth together).
As an adult, I have had a horrible time learning to say no and worrying what people think of me and I don't want to visit those demons on my children if I can help it.