My son is ADHD. We got the diagnosis for it when he was in kindergarten, but I completely refused to contemplate medicating him beyond 'no' when he was that young. I was (and still am) such a firm believer in the fact that so often, children are 'diagnosed' with it for just being children, and I was terrified - so many zombie horror stories - of what the results would be on him. He's such a sunny, happy, creative kid. I did not want to lose that, and at that point, it was just me (and his dad, to an extent) making the decision. Yes, the school wanted it, but I think if they'd insisted on it heavier, we'd just have gone to a private school.
In first grade, he was really starting to struggle. It started to become clear that it was perhaps more than just being a kid. I don't know that even at 7-8 he was really able to make an informed decision, but we still sat down and talked with him about it, and ultimately did leave the final call to him on whether or not we were going to try it out. I'm not going to say it was his choice, because at that point it was mine - if I wasn't accepting of the fact that we were open to trying it, the choice never would have been put in front of him. But I was torn, and I wanted his input on it. Even at that young. Certainly doesn't absolve me of the responsibility, but. Yeah. ANYWAY.
He said that he wanted to try it, so we did. Once it actually got into his system (those first few weeks were like hell for all of us), it...at home, there weren't really a lot of changes. He seemed pretty normal (where by normal I mean usual for him) to me, save a few small (in the grand scheme of things) adjustments that were all the same pretty major as far as day to day life - being able to complete tasks without any nagging on my part. Which..I guess really isn't very small.
Even so, I was severely opposed to keeping him on the medication. Until, in one of our various discussions about it, he said straight up that he liked it because it slowed his brain down enough for him to think. His words, expressed so very clearly for us. That, the discussions with the teachers, his night and day performance at school - okay, perhaps having him on the medication is a good thing. So he's been on it, for the school years. Off it, for the summertime.
I won't ever know if I actually made the better decision of the two in front of me for him, but I did the best I could, and I think that's really all we can ask of ourselves. He's in 6th grade now, and I actually had an IEP meeting this morning - basically to tell me that he doesn't really need an IEP any more, they're dropping one of the two things he was on, he's got one tiny little segment of speech therapy he's going to finish, but as soon as she's finished teaching him how to self-correct and drill on his own, they're done.
He's happy, he's healthy, he's doing well in school, he's still sunny and creative and geeky and silly and so incredibly brilliant. How different would it have been had I gone the other route? Better? Worse? I don't know. I won't ever know.
We do the best we can. If our children are prospering, than maybe it wasn't the best/right decision (because again, never going to know that, not really), but it was still a good decision. From everything you've said, your son is doing well. Mine is doing well. Thus, we've done well. We are good mommies. If things had started to go horribly badwrong, decisions would have - I'm sure - been changed.
I make a lot of mistakes as a (now) entirely single parent. I'm human. My self-evaluation on that front is, though, how well he is doing. And from everything that I can tell (and from all the feedback that I get), I'm doing it right far more than I'm doing it wrong. =)
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2010-10-22 09:32 pm (UTC)In first grade, he was really starting to struggle. It started to become clear that it was perhaps more than just being a kid. I don't know that even at 7-8 he was really able to make an informed decision, but we still sat down and talked with him about it, and ultimately did leave the final call to him on whether or not we were going to try it out. I'm not going to say it was his choice, because at that point it was mine - if I wasn't accepting of the fact that we were open to trying it, the choice never would have been put in front of him. But I was torn, and I wanted his input on it. Even at that young. Certainly doesn't absolve me of the responsibility, but. Yeah. ANYWAY.
He said that he wanted to try it, so we did. Once it actually got into his system (those first few weeks were like hell for all of us), it...at home, there weren't really a lot of changes. He seemed pretty normal (where by normal I mean usual for him) to me, save a few small (in the grand scheme of things) adjustments that were all the same pretty major as far as day to day life - being able to complete tasks without any nagging on my part. Which..I guess really isn't very small.
Even so, I was severely opposed to keeping him on the medication. Until, in one of our various discussions about it, he said straight up that he liked it because it slowed his brain down enough for him to think. His words, expressed so very clearly for us. That, the discussions with the teachers, his night and day performance at school - okay, perhaps having him on the medication is a good thing. So he's been on it, for the school years. Off it, for the summertime.
I won't ever know if I actually made the better decision of the two in front of me for him, but I did the best I could, and I think that's really all we can ask of ourselves. He's in 6th grade now, and I actually had an IEP meeting this morning - basically to tell me that he doesn't really need an IEP any more, they're dropping one of the two things he was on, he's got one tiny little segment of speech therapy he's going to finish, but as soon as she's finished teaching him how to self-correct and drill on his own, they're done.
He's happy, he's healthy, he's doing well in school, he's still sunny and creative and geeky and silly and so incredibly brilliant. How different would it have been had I gone the other route? Better? Worse? I don't know. I won't ever know.
We do the best we can. If our children are prospering, than maybe it wasn't the best/right decision (because again, never going to know that, not really), but it was still a good decision. From everything you've said, your son is doing well. Mine is doing well. Thus, we've done well. We are good mommies. If things had started to go horribly badwrong, decisions would have - I'm sure - been changed.
I make a lot of mistakes as a (now) entirely single parent. I'm human. My self-evaluation on that front is, though, how well he is doing. And from everything that I can tell (and from all the feedback that I get), I'm doing it right far more than I'm doing it wrong. =)