Michelle, your posts are always so insightful, and this one really hit home. When two months ago I was diagnosed with terminal cancer we were faced with many of these situations; sometimes within the family, other times with chibi's schoolmate's parents ( he's in first grade.)
I felt horrible the first while, because while people were offering their help it wasn't something that I could process or accept... at least in the way they offered it.
It took a couple of friends who basically reached out and said "Tell me what -you- need"; they were wonderful at providing the support that I needed and understanding that sometimes I just need to shut ourselves out from the world for a bit.
Communication is definitely key, but giving and accepting help is a tricky thing. The last thing -I- needed was to feel guilty over refusing offered help, and the people who understood this were the ones that helped the most.
For me that one question: "Tell me what you need, or how I can help?" meant the world. It was open ended, allowed me to genuinely get help where I felt I needed it most and didn't put societal pressure in refusing what I couldn't handle at the moment.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2012-05-24 07:46 pm (UTC)When two months ago I was diagnosed with terminal cancer we were faced with many of these situations; sometimes within the family, other times with chibi's schoolmate's parents ( he's in first grade.)
I felt horrible the first while, because while people were offering their help it wasn't something that I could process or accept... at least in the way they offered it.
It took a couple of friends who basically reached out and said "Tell me what -you- need"; they were wonderful at providing the support that I needed and understanding that sometimes I just need to shut ourselves out from the world for a bit.
Communication is definitely key, but giving and accepting help is a tricky thing. The last thing -I- needed was to feel guilty over refusing offered help, and the people who understood this were the ones that helped the most.
For me that one question: "Tell me what you need, or how I can help?" meant the world. It was open ended, allowed me to genuinely get help where I felt I needed it most and didn't put societal pressure in refusing what I couldn't handle at the moment.