I've been reading your books for years and have only today discovered your blog. So HI.
Just to comment about this communication and help thing, I have a story from my own experience about helping.
One of my dear friends always used to call me whenever she was feeling down. We'd do a little chit-chat, I'd let her talk herself and rant herself out, and we'd get off the call. I once asked her, just out of curiosity on my part, why I was the one she called when she was in these emotional turmoil states. And she said, "Because you don't coddle me and try to make it better. You just listen and then talk straight with me." It kind of surprised me because there were other people that she was closer friends with and I would have expected her to call them before she called me. But apparently, I instinctively knew how to give her what she needed when she was in those emotional states. I had no idea that that's what I was doing, because it had never occurred to me to do anything else. On the flip side, I have lost friends because I am not good at the coddling.
ETA: As I thought about this a little more, I realize there is something that I do say to friends of mine who are struggling with something in one way or another. I will always say, "If you want to talk, I'm here. If you don't want to talk, I'll still be here."
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2012-07-19 07:50 pm (UTC)Just to comment about this communication and help thing, I have a story from my own experience about helping.
One of my dear friends always used to call me whenever she was feeling down. We'd do a little chit-chat, I'd let her talk herself and rant herself out, and we'd get off the call. I once asked her, just out of curiosity on my part, why I was the one she called when she was in these emotional turmoil states. And she said, "Because you don't coddle me and try to make it better. You just listen and then talk straight with me." It kind of surprised me because there were other people that she was closer friends with and I would have expected her to call them before she called me. But apparently, I instinctively knew how to give her what she needed when she was in those emotional states. I had no idea that that's what I was doing, because it had never occurred to me to do anything else. On the flip side, I have lost friends because I am not good at the coddling.
ETA: As I thought about this a little more, I realize there is something that I do say to friends of mine who are struggling with something in one way or another. I will always say, "If you want to talk, I'm here. If you don't want to talk, I'll still be here."