What he refuses to talk about is himself - not in any way, shape, or form. Not likes or dislikes and especially not his feelings.
Ah. This is a totally different thing.
My oldest did not talk about his feelings, his likes, or his dislikes. In part, this is because he didn't have the words for them (when he was younger, and he was asked, by the woman evaluating him, how "joy" and "anger" were similar, he finally said: They both make your heart beat faster).
This did not mean, of course, that he didn't have any; he didn't have the tools to discuss them because he didn't have the words for them. In that, we were probably not as useful as the educational aide that worked with him for most of his grade two class.
I actually stopped writing the ASD-related posts because I got snowed under with the usual insane deadlines, so I'm not sure that I reached that point. I'll write that one for tomorrow, but the short story is: when he (eta: the educational aide) realized that we, as his parents, didn't particularly care if his Aspergers was directly addressed, he began to incorporate emotional words into their daily educational exercises. So, if he was playing Hangman with my son, he would use words like: friendship, trust, love, respect.
It was not something that had occurred to me at the time.
Even when he was older, at, say, thirteen, he did not like to discuss the things for which he had no language. It was a barrier. But...none of us are big "talk about your feelings" people. He would, as he got older, discuss things that upset him or confused him, because he at that point believed I could explain them in a way that would help him make sense of them.
But that was sort of a direct result of all those earlier discussions about computer games. He expected me to make sense, because in the early years, I had.
He still doesn't talk about things like that all that much. He listens to others talk about them, he assesses what he's heard, he sometimes brings up a point or two - but talking about his feelings to us isn't a priority for him.
HOWEVER... he is perfectly capable of talking about them with his girlfriend. They are relevant to both of them in a way that they weren't relevant to his relationship with us, if that makes sense?
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2012-05-25 04:53 am (UTC)Ah. This is a totally different thing.
My oldest did not talk about his feelings, his likes, or his dislikes. In part, this is because he didn't have the words for them (when he was younger, and he was asked, by the woman evaluating him, how "joy" and "anger" were similar, he finally said: They both make your heart beat faster).
This did not mean, of course, that he didn't have any; he didn't have the tools to discuss them because he didn't have the words for them. In that, we were probably not as useful as the educational aide that worked with him for most of his grade two class.
I actually stopped writing the ASD-related posts because I got snowed under with the usual insane deadlines, so I'm not sure that I reached that point. I'll write that one for tomorrow, but the short story is: when he (eta: the educational aide) realized that we, as his parents, didn't particularly care if his Aspergers was directly addressed, he began to incorporate emotional words into their daily educational exercises. So, if he was playing Hangman with my son, he would use words like: friendship, trust, love, respect.
It was not something that had occurred to me at the time.
Even when he was older, at, say, thirteen, he did not like to discuss the things for which he had no language. It was a barrier. But...none of us are big "talk about your feelings" people. He would, as he got older, discuss things that upset him or confused him, because he at that point believed I could explain them in a way that would help him make sense of them.
But that was sort of a direct result of all those earlier discussions about computer games. He expected me to make sense, because in the early years, I had.
He still doesn't talk about things like that all that much. He listens to others talk about them, he assesses what he's heard, he sometimes brings up a point or two - but talking about his feelings to us isn't a priority for him.
HOWEVER... he is perfectly capable of talking about them with his girlfriend. They are relevant to both of them in a way that they weren't relevant to his relationship with us, if that makes sense?