I'm going to stop lurking for this question, because I also felt (and some days, still feel) that way.
Thank you for de-lurking to say this.
I asked my son a few times when he was young why making a mistake seemed so terrible, and he had no answer. I asked him when he was in his early teens if he remembered, because by that point, he no longer had that terror.
He could remember the feeling, but he couldn’t rationalize or explain it to me, although he did try. Making a mistake was, somehow, like: the universe utterly and completely rejecting him. He knew, intellectually, that this was ridiculous - but the feeling was profound and it couldn’t easily be altered.
Also: Asking for something that could be refused with the word No. He never asked for anything directly (it’s still something he doesn’t like), because somehow the word no was the same: it wasn’t a simple no - it was manifold and huge.
We took his random comments, such as “that looks delicious” as requests, because it was so clear that a direct request made him so uncomfortable.
But I’m wondering if he would see himself in your explanation.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2012-05-28 02:31 am (UTC)Thank you for de-lurking to say this.
I asked my son a few times when he was young why making a mistake seemed so terrible, and he had no answer. I asked him when he was in his early teens if he remembered, because by that point, he no longer had that terror.
He could remember the feeling, but he couldn’t rationalize or explain it to me, although he did try. Making a mistake was, somehow, like: the universe utterly and completely rejecting him. He knew, intellectually, that this was ridiculous - but the feeling was profound and it couldn’t easily be altered.
Also: Asking for something that could be refused with the word No. He never asked for anything directly (it’s still something he doesn’t like), because somehow the word no was the same: it wasn’t a simple no - it was manifold and huge.
We took his random comments, such as “that looks delicious” as requests, because it was so clear that a direct request made him so uncomfortable.
But I’m wondering if he would see himself in your explanation.