What I had taken as a compromise for permanent nosiness and me accepting certain bits of stuff because I like her cooking and it's a way she can show her version of love, was actually a way of confirming to her that I needed her permanent nagging and direction, because I was at child level.
I take the blame for this, because it was ever so much easier to not protest the interference all the time. I'll see them this weekend (at least I didn't feel any guilt telling them not to come last weekend, when I had to do the big corrections for the final exam, but I didn't manage to tell her not to come until July when I actually have a breather), and she'll be bringing something frozen BECAUSE THERE IS NO WAY SHE WILL CHANGE HER VIEWS ANYMORE.
What I can do, is see her manipulation bits for what they are and not feel guilty about clearly stating what I take and what not in public or in private, no matter how much I'll be made to feel the heartless child. And realise that, in my case, unfortunately, my mother can't be someone I confide in, because she will use everything she hears to confirm her worldview and to manipulate me into doing what she feels is the only right thing to do.
ETA: you know, if you don't have the time to read this, that's fine. This post just crystallised even more of what is going wrong in my relationship with my parents for me (I have had some illuminating conversations with my brother on the phone recently) and what I have to do for myself.
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branchandroot
Re: Wow. I guess I had to throw this up. It had built up. - Part 2
Date: 2012-06-27 04:18 pm (UTC)I take the blame for this, because it was ever so much easier to not protest the interference all the time. I'll see them this weekend (at least I didn't feel any guilt telling them not to come last weekend, when I had to do the big corrections for the final exam, but I didn't manage to tell her not to come until July when I actually have a breather), and she'll be bringing something frozen BECAUSE THERE IS NO WAY SHE WILL CHANGE HER VIEWS ANYMORE.
What I can do, is see her manipulation bits for what they are and not feel guilty about clearly stating what I take and what not in public or in private, no matter how much I'll be made to feel the heartless child. And realise that, in my case, unfortunately, my mother can't be someone I confide in, because she will use everything she hears to confirm her worldview and to manipulate me into doing what she feels is the only right thing to do.
ETA: you know, if you don't have the time to read this, that's fine. This post just crystallised even more of what is going wrong in my relationship with my parents for me (I have had some illuminating conversations with my brother on the phone recently) and what I have to do for myself.