Santa Claus in the ASD household
Dec. 2nd, 2010 12:38 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
msagaraThe store is moved, and two thirds of it is on the shelves; the computer that died (which was ancient) has been replaced with a computer that's less ancient, and it's now sitting on the new countertop in said store; I've finished contract negotiations for something upcoming in future (about which I'll speak more when things are completely firm), and I've been working at catching up on the writing I lost to the move and the convention.
I still have outstanding reading (not books, not reviews, but pre-pubbed things I really want to read), which I hope to catch up on in the week to follow.
Because it's heading into that time of year, I want to talk about Santa Claus in our ASD household.
Santa Claus is one of those magical memories of early childhood; it's an act, a play, an annual daydream. I understand that for many children and many families, Santa Claus is part of what makes the holiday special.
We had a few discussions about Santa Claus in my oldest son's early life--and we decided that in our house, there would be no Santa. Our reasons for it were pretty simple: Santa Claus is a lie. There are reasons for invoking that particular lie--but they're not reasons my oldest would have understood; what he would have clearly seen and known was that we'd lied to him. We'd told him that Santa Claus existed, when we knew, in fact, that he didn't. We would pretend to be Santa.
I think he would have enjoyed it, for what it's worth. I think he would have enjoyed the mystery and the desire to catch Santa in the act; I think he would have enjoyed the idea of someone sneaking into the house to leave presents.
But I think he would have also been very, very unhappy when the truth--as it always does, because it's some small part of coming-of-age--got out. Telling him that we were lying to him because it was a game wouldn't have worked because, in the way of small children everywhere, he would have argued that Santa did exist because his parents had told him so.
In his universe, it would have eroded his trust in us. It would have added an element of doubt and confusion that we felt would make things more difficult for him; he needed to believe that we were explaining the world as it actually was when he asked for explanations.
However, the question of Santa Claus did arise in grade one. The kids in his class were, of course, talking about Christmas, presents, and what they wanted from Santa. They probably did this in junior and senior kindergarten as well, but in the classroom environment of that time, he didn't pick up on it; with the grade one Teacher, he became slowly comfortable enough that he could. The other children absolutely insisted Santa Claus existed, and he came home to ask me about it.
So. I didn't want him to run back to school and insist that Santa did not, in fact, exist, but I didn't want to put myself in the position of agreeing, for the reasons mentioned above.
What I eventually said (because I'd been thinking about it for years) was this:
Santa Claus is a story we tell our children. It's not a lie, but like stories--The Very Hungry Caterpillar, which was one of the few books he liked as a small child--it's not factual. It's meant to evoke excitement and anticipation; it's meant to be a happy thing.
But, he said, one of the girls in his class insisted that Santa Claus really existed--her parents had told her so, and she absolutely believed them. This, of course, made sense to my son; he believed his own parents, after all. Why did her parents say this if it wasn't the truth?
I didn't want him to feel any scorn or derision; I didn't want him to be outraged by the idea that the parents were involved in an elaborate hoax.
"Because they love the story. It's a story they were told as children. It's a story they believed as children, and when your classmates have children of their own, they're likely to tell their own children the same story, for the same reason. Santa Claus doesn't exist, except as part of that story, but it's a happy story, and people want to share some of that happiness."
"But the children believe in him." (He called his classmates the "children" for a very long time.)
"Yes. Yes, they do."
There was a pause while he digested this. He finally said, "But it's okay to believe in Santa Claus?"
I said, "Yes. We can't tell you he exists in the real world, but yes--it's okay to believe it if you want."
And he said, "I think I'd like to believe it, then."
It was a very odd conversation, but in hindsight, I'm happy with it.
I still have outstanding reading (not books, not reviews, but pre-pubbed things I really want to read), which I hope to catch up on in the week to follow.
Because it's heading into that time of year, I want to talk about Santa Claus in our ASD household.
Santa Claus is one of those magical memories of early childhood; it's an act, a play, an annual daydream. I understand that for many children and many families, Santa Claus is part of what makes the holiday special.
We had a few discussions about Santa Claus in my oldest son's early life--and we decided that in our house, there would be no Santa. Our reasons for it were pretty simple: Santa Claus is a lie. There are reasons for invoking that particular lie--but they're not reasons my oldest would have understood; what he would have clearly seen and known was that we'd lied to him. We'd told him that Santa Claus existed, when we knew, in fact, that he didn't. We would pretend to be Santa.
I think he would have enjoyed it, for what it's worth. I think he would have enjoyed the mystery and the desire to catch Santa in the act; I think he would have enjoyed the idea of someone sneaking into the house to leave presents.
But I think he would have also been very, very unhappy when the truth--as it always does, because it's some small part of coming-of-age--got out. Telling him that we were lying to him because it was a game wouldn't have worked because, in the way of small children everywhere, he would have argued that Santa did exist because his parents had told him so.
In his universe, it would have eroded his trust in us. It would have added an element of doubt and confusion that we felt would make things more difficult for him; he needed to believe that we were explaining the world as it actually was when he asked for explanations.
However, the question of Santa Claus did arise in grade one. The kids in his class were, of course, talking about Christmas, presents, and what they wanted from Santa. They probably did this in junior and senior kindergarten as well, but in the classroom environment of that time, he didn't pick up on it; with the grade one Teacher, he became slowly comfortable enough that he could. The other children absolutely insisted Santa Claus existed, and he came home to ask me about it.
So. I didn't want him to run back to school and insist that Santa did not, in fact, exist, but I didn't want to put myself in the position of agreeing, for the reasons mentioned above.
What I eventually said (because I'd been thinking about it for years) was this:
Santa Claus is a story we tell our children. It's not a lie, but like stories--The Very Hungry Caterpillar, which was one of the few books he liked as a small child--it's not factual. It's meant to evoke excitement and anticipation; it's meant to be a happy thing.
But, he said, one of the girls in his class insisted that Santa Claus really existed--her parents had told her so, and she absolutely believed them. This, of course, made sense to my son; he believed his own parents, after all. Why did her parents say this if it wasn't the truth?
I didn't want him to feel any scorn or derision; I didn't want him to be outraged by the idea that the parents were involved in an elaborate hoax.
"Because they love the story. It's a story they were told as children. It's a story they believed as children, and when your classmates have children of their own, they're likely to tell their own children the same story, for the same reason. Santa Claus doesn't exist, except as part of that story, but it's a happy story, and people want to share some of that happiness."
"But the children believe in him." (He called his classmates the "children" for a very long time.)
"Yes. Yes, they do."
There was a pause while he digested this. He finally said, "But it's okay to believe in Santa Claus?"
I said, "Yes. We can't tell you he exists in the real world, but yes--it's okay to believe it if you want."
And he said, "I think I'd like to believe it, then."
It was a very odd conversation, but in hindsight, I'm happy with it.
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Date: 2011-04-26 02:36 pm (UTC)Не спешите. В первую очередь слушайте разум, а потом чувства.
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38. Позиция аналогична 36-й, с той разницей, что женщина откидывается назад, пока не окажется лежащей на спине, между ногами мужчины. В этой позе она совершает движения ягодицами, делая короткие и быстрые толчки не только вверх и вниз, но и в стороны, вперед и назад. В этой позиции мужчина прекрасно водит в стороны, вперед и назад, и видит член. Он может взять в руки ноги женщины, разводя их в стороны, а затем свести их.
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- Ты кто?! – завопила Майя и отползла на край кровати.
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Муж. - считаете ли вы, что полное обнажение женской груди сексуально стимулирует?
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В среде свингеров, добрая половина – вуайеристы. Поэтому, если неприятный тип в упор разглядывающий особенности твоей анатомии и досконально вникающий в твою технику секса, безумно раздражает, — стоит уединиться. И еще – свингеры очень не любят «халявщиков», приходящих на их сборища поодиночке.
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Групповой секс превращается в особую проблему, когда в его процессе совершается сексуальная инициация. В этом случае могут возникать стойкие сексуальные стереотипы и потребности, приводящие позднее к сложностям в установлении эмоциональных и партнерских связей, а также к развитию различных форм девиационного поведения. Тот факт, что групповой секс часто трактуют как развлечение, а не как патологию, усыпляет бдительность, позволяет пренебрегать его влиянием на психосексуальное развитие, причем это относится не только к молодежи, но и к людям любого возраста. Таким образом, групповой секс является отрицанием межличностной связи между парнерами, ведущим к овеществлению человека.
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Восьми: официантки, некоторые из них # О'кей, вот что это значит: Nepenthes в наше время сокращен-
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Доктор. - да, врачи сообщают о таких случаях, когда девушки были способны кормить детей. И даже более удивительный факт, известны мужчины выделявшие молоко и кормившие детей.
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5. Опять отведите язык назад и посмотрите, отвечает ли она вам. И опять же практически все парни забывают об этом.